Gender and Parenting
Sex and Gender Overview
Sex is a label placed on someone based on their physical (usually sexual) characteristics or based on DNA analysis.
Gender is a social construct built to categorize people.
Someone who is gender variant express a gender outside of the socially prescribed gender roles.
Sex is a label placed on someone based on their physical (usually sexual) characteristics or based on DNA analysis.
Gender is a social construct built to categorize people.
- Gender roles: often very distinct in the two typical boxes of "boy" or "girl"
- Gender identity: the internal feeling of girlishness, boyishness, neither or both; this is an internal construct that no one can change
Someone who is gender variant express a gender outside of the socially prescribed gender roles.
- Cisgender: identify with the gender assigned at birth
- Transgender: identify with a gender other than that assigned at birth.
If you would like more information about the gender spectrum or are seeking support for raising a gender variant child please click here.
The gender of both the parent(s) and a child impact how the child is raised. Mothers and fathers distinguish between sons and daughters. They are traditionally raised differently and many studies suggest that parents treat boys and girls in individually unique ways and even encourage them to accept and conform to conventional gender roles. Parents typically adopt dominant and prevailing cultural descriptions for their girls and boys.
Parental behaviors are consistently gender related.
Initially, children's viewpoint on gender and other aspects of society are influenced almost solely by their parents. Once children enter school however, the culture and other members of society play a larger role in gender determination. The most important people doing this are the child's peers. In addition, gender segregation is often somewhat intensified during schooling because boys play with boys and girls play with girls. Peers act as "gender police" and, as time goes on, it becomes more rare for children to cross the "gender barrier" in front of their peers. Moreover, similarly to parents, teachers treat male and female students differently.
Parental behaviors are consistently gender related.
- Gender specific toys and clothing is purchased before children can even display a personal preference
- Gender typed-play and activities is encouraged
- Emotional experiences are discussed more often with daughters than sons
- Household chores are often assigned along stereotypical gender lines
Initially, children's viewpoint on gender and other aspects of society are influenced almost solely by their parents. Once children enter school however, the culture and other members of society play a larger role in gender determination. The most important people doing this are the child's peers. In addition, gender segregation is often somewhat intensified during schooling because boys play with boys and girls play with girls. Peers act as "gender police" and, as time goes on, it becomes more rare for children to cross the "gender barrier" in front of their peers. Moreover, similarly to parents, teachers treat male and female students differently.
Gender Neutral Parenting
Parenting children while avoiding typical gender stereotypes is once again on the rise. This parental decision, to attempt to raise children in a gender neutral way, was also popular from the 1960s to the 1980s when people attempted to defy the sexism of the 1950s and support the rising feminist movement.
Gender neutral parenting is meant to allow a child to explore and discover their own place on the gender spectrum by not forcing any stereotypes or biases upon them as they grow and mature. To some extent using the term "neutral" is deceiving. In reality, this is about diversity and removing limitations to gender expression. A child should be exposed to a wide range of gender types and allowed to explore these critically and without judgement. It is meant as a way to encourage a child's own voice and take other's opinions out of the equation
Gender neutral parenting is meant to allow a child to explore and discover their own place on the gender spectrum by not forcing any stereotypes or biases upon them as they grow and mature. To some extent using the term "neutral" is deceiving. In reality, this is about diversity and removing limitations to gender expression. A child should be exposed to a wide range of gender types and allowed to explore these critically and without judgement. It is meant as a way to encourage a child's own voice and take other's opinions out of the equation
A handful of parents have decided to attempt to raise a child this way, causing controversy and rising questions. A child who has recently gained some fame belongs to Toronto couple Kathy Witterick and David Stocker.
The actual sex of Storm is known by only a select few. The couple has decided to raise Storm as gender neutrally as possible in order to let Storm share his/her gender when the time felt right. In addition, the couple has two more children, Jazz and Kio.
The actual sex of Storm is known by only a select few. The couple has decided to raise Storm as gender neutrally as possible in order to let Storm share his/her gender when the time felt right. In addition, the couple has two more children, Jazz and Kio.
A similarly raised child recently had his gender revealed. Beck Laxton and Kieran Cooper spent half a decade hiding their child's gender. Now that Sasha has entered school they officially had to declare his sex. However, his parents are still attempting to maintain some amount of gender freedom even though Sasha must get used to being recognized as a boy by his peers.
Even one preschool is attempting to remain as gender neutral as possible. The Egalia preschool opened in 2010 in the liberal Sodermalm district of Stockholm, Sweden for kids ages 1 through 6. Teachers address the children as "friends" rather than "girls" or "boys". Everything from toys, books, and even the placement of these objects is carefully considered. For example, all the children can play together with a toy kitchen, plastic utensils, and pretend to cook. In addition, right next to the kitchen is a set of lego bricks and building blocks. This is done so that the children do not draw a mental barrier between activities such as cooking and construction, which are typically seen as gender specific tasks.
Books are specially chosen, with a special favoratism for gay, lesbian, and bisexual or transgender people. Nearly all the books deal with homosexual couples, single parents, or adoption. For example, one story features two male giraffes who are childless until they find a crocodile egg. Classic fairy tales, such as "Sleeping Beauty" and "Snow White" are not present because they are seen as cementing stereotypes.
A third and similarly famous story from 2012 is calling one man, Nils Pickert, "Father of the Year". Pickert's five-year-old son wanted to wear dresses but feared wearing them out in public because he did not want to be teased. However, Pickert wanted to reassure his son and make him feel more comfortable in his own skin. So he wore a long red skirt out in public in their rather traditional South German village while his son wore a red dress. Now the son is more comfortable in his own skin and wears dresses and nail polish out in public more often. He even handles the occasional torments from other children.
Books are specially chosen, with a special favoratism for gay, lesbian, and bisexual or transgender people. Nearly all the books deal with homosexual couples, single parents, or adoption. For example, one story features two male giraffes who are childless until they find a crocodile egg. Classic fairy tales, such as "Sleeping Beauty" and "Snow White" are not present because they are seen as cementing stereotypes.
A third and similarly famous story from 2012 is calling one man, Nils Pickert, "Father of the Year". Pickert's five-year-old son wanted to wear dresses but feared wearing them out in public because he did not want to be teased. However, Pickert wanted to reassure his son and make him feel more comfortable in his own skin. So he wore a long red skirt out in public in their rather traditional South German village while his son wore a red dress. Now the son is more comfortable in his own skin and wears dresses and nail polish out in public more often. He even handles the occasional torments from other children.
Literature Consulted:
- Lucas-Stannard, Paige, Gender Neutral Pareting: Raising Kids With the Freedom to be Themselves (Dallas: Verity Press, 2013).
- Martin, Karin A. William Wants a Doll, Can He Have One? Feminists, Child Care Advisors, and Gender-Neutral Child Rearing. Gender and Society. 19: 456 - 479. 2005.
- W. Brandford Wilcox and Kathleen Kovner Kline, Gender and Parenthood: Biological and Social Scientific Perspectives (New York: Columbia University Press, 2013).
- http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/11/gnp-avoid-implicit-sexism/
- http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/01/gender-neutral-parenting-myths/
- http://www.thestar.com/life/parent/2013/11/15/remember_storm_we_check_in_on_the_baby_being_raised_genderneutral.html
- http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/couple-finally-reveals-childs-gender-five-years-birth-180300388.html
- http://gawker.com/5938676/father-of-the-year-helps-dress+wearing-son-feel-comfortable-by-putting-on-a-skirt-himself